[Insert Witty Blog Title Here]

oh great. another book where vampires and werewolves are rivals. like I haven’t seen that a thousand times before

ROLL CALL!! Let’s see who’s here.

Magical Native American? Check.

Average white chicks? Check.

Stereotypically sassy black chick? Check.

Token effeminate gay guy? Check.

Now all we need is a nerdy Asian guy and the shitfest of stereotypes will be complete.

“Actually, since I’m gay I think I should count for two guys instead of just one. I mean, in me you get the male point of view and you don’t have to worry about me wanting to touch your boobies.”

I- I just….

“And this is the token guy in our group, Damien Maslin. But he’s gay, so I don’t really think he counts as a guy.”

Ughhhh I feel like I’m reading a mix of Harry Potter, Twilight, and some bits of Legacy of Kain

Make it stooopppp..

Wow these two are really fucking gay. I just…why did I write this last semester?

imjustasuckerwithlowselfesteem:

For all of them Twilight fans out there, I don’t mind you watching your little goofy vampire stories. Honestly do what you like and believe in what you like. But I think that that Meyer idiot destroyed a millennium of vampire reputation with writing a book for teen idiots. Just saying.

To each his own.

In the end, it’s all fiction to me. I don’t think Meyer destroyed anything. That was her interpretation of vampires and she wrote it; it doesn’t mean everyone is going to go the same route. No one says you have to stick to the myths. I don’t enjoy the whole sparkling and no fangs thing, but that was her choice. I mean, look where it landed her - books and million dollar movie deals. XD

hellnohellsingsues:

Best. Parody Sue. Ever. 

Name: Yuu Sapphire Akiza Abarai Grayson Tennyson Brief Uzumaki Hellsing XV

What a beautiful name

Ooh Lawdy is that some DBZ references? 

Age: 16, but becomes immortal.

Weapons: Jackal 2.0, kali sticks, Zabimaru, Ultimatrix, Z-Sword, Grim Reaper scythe, Batarangs, Mega Buster, deck, kunai knives, power rings, Keyblade, and lots more.

But does she have David Bowie’s balls of power?

Appearance: She has long hair that sweeps the floor. The lower half is black as the night sky, while the upper half ranges from blue to gold to green to purple to red to turquoise to pink with three orange bangs hanging in front of her face.

What, don’t tell me you guys didn’t do this in your teenage years!

Her left eye is silver while the right eye is cyan, but when she gets angry, her left eye turns blood red and the right one turns gold.

Her eyes are a Windows Movie Maker Effect!

Her face is sweet and she can charm anyone with a smile. When she frowns, everyone asks her what’s wrong, but she always says she’s fine so they won’t worry. She has fangs that can grow longer to bite people, but she doesn’t use them to drink blood because it’s gross and would make her evil. She has cat ears on her head and likes to meow when she’s happy and hisses when she’s mad. She has huge boobs and hates it when people look at them, but she won’t wear anything but a black tube top and shorts because that’s who she is and she likes to express herself. She likes to wear lots of chains and bracelets and stuff.

She was born this way bb.

She wears fishnet stockings sometimes, but only if they’re ripped up. She likes black boots or converses and never wears high heals. She likes to wear all black because it makes her snow white skin stand out. She hides two big scars on her back under her hair. She was born with them and they look like where wings should be. She only shows them to people she trusts, but everyone says she’s still beautiful even with them.

Of course.

Powers: She is an immortal vampire like her uncle Alucard and has all his powers but doesn’t want to drink blood, which makes him upset. She can turn into a weredragon during the full moon and can breathe fire and ice and light and darkness.

Her aunt Integra supports her and thinks she’s amazing and eventually lets her take over and be head of Hellsing when she turned 13.

History repeats itself.

She has a power level of 32897654398579821379864376894371958713298573498579483175981759847985374198574398759817598473985749857849682 and can use the Spirit Bomb and Kamehameha and Final Flash and turn Super Saiyan 200 where her hair turns all silver and she has an electric blue aura and a tail. She got the Ultimatrix from her uncle Ben after he died and she improved it so she can use all the aliens and turn into anything she thinks of and doesn’t need to recharge it and can use the powers even when she isn’t transformed. Her daddy Dick Grayson

That girl must have an ass like unf…

taught her to use his kali sticks and gave them to her after he retired from being Nightwing. Her uncle Bruce Wayne trained her to be a superhero and she even got better than he was after a couple days and he tried to let her be the new Batman but she turned it down and became Snow Sparkle instead and leads the Justice League and the Justice Society and the Endless

and the Green Lanterns and the Avengers and beat all the villains and learned the Joker’s real identity when he fell in love with her. She learned how to use swords from her uncle Renji and inherited his Zanpakuto Zabimaru when he died and can use Ultimate Bankai where she becomes super strong and can beat anyone. She leads the Soul Society after she became the youngest Captain at 8 and is best friends with everyone besides Byakuya because he was mean to her but he respects her after she beats him in a fight. Her uncle Yusei gave her his deck and she improved it and beat Yugi and Jaden and Yuma and Kaiba and Jack and Shark and became the Queen of Games and has the ultimate card Dragon Snowflame that can beat anything. She can pilot the Gurren Lagann because her Spiral Power is infinite and she even makes it transform into the Super Special Flower Spiral Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann that can Giga Drill Super Amazing Earth Break anything and ended the Spiral Threat. She destroyed Silent Hill on the weekend and turned the monsters back to what they were which are ponies and unicorns and dragons and bunnies and brought Mary back to life because she has angel powers over life and death and also became the Grim Reaper. She’s a Jedi

Stop

Stop

I’m dying, let me breathe for a minute before going on.

Ok..

Ok, so, did she befriend Pyramid Head as well, AND revive Kamina AND have babies with Viral?

with a purple and red lightsaber because she was almost on the Dark Side but came back to the good side because he friend Luke got hurt and she can use force lightning and move anything and do anything with the force. She has unlimited Chakra and can use any Jutsu after seeing it once and has Sharingan and Byakugan and Rinnegan and can make the Rasechidoriblade attack. She is so strong that she can beat anyone by thinking it and made peace in the universe. She can jump through dimensions when someone needs help and can make friends with anyone there. She likes animals and makes friends with them easily and can talk to them and understand them. She knows magic and alchemy and saw the Truth so she can use alchemy without a circle but didn’t have to lose anything because she stood up to Truth. She has all the Branches of Sin and can use her blood to do anything she wants and helped shut down DW. She is the best artist in the world and draws manga all the time when she gets bored and has a bunch of her work published and everyone likes it and she’s a musician and can play guitar and drums and sings and can make people happy when they hear her music. She can cook, too.

But can she write like Gaiman?

Personality: She is nice and makes friends easy but when she gets mad you better say sorry or she’ll hate you forever

Tabitha?

and get all her friends to hate you. She protects people she cares about and never kills people unless they’re really bad or they said something mean to her on Facebook.

Social networking is so evil. It’s responsible for all those gays and sluts and girly boys. Damn liberals on facebook.

She likes animals and manga and anime and comics and cartoons and reads a lot and her favorite book is Dracula. She’s awkward around new people because she hasn’t been allowed to talk to many people because everyone is really protective of her and afraid she’ll be hurt. She’s really sad on the inside even though she always tries to be happy because she never knew her mother because she died when she was born and her daddy never told her who she is.

My guess is Ebony. Just throwing my guess out there.

She hates Nazis and Catholics and bad people and Stephanie Brown

We’re gonna have to fight now, sweetheart. :D

but likes the Captain and Schroedinger because they’re nice to her. She gets really annoyed when boys and other girls try to flirt with her when she’s not interested and she hits them when they don’t leave her alone and aren’t happy with being just friends. Her true loves are music and Itachi.

…

Have fun with the last six months of his life

History: Yuu was born on a stormy night in the Shire.

…

DICK GRAYSON IS A HOBBIT FIDDLER.

BAD TOUCH.

WE NEED AN ADULT.

Her mother died after she was born which made her daddy Dick sad but he was happy that she was born healthy but scared because she had big scars on her back. While she was growing up, her family taught her all kinds of things and gave her gifts and everyone loved her. When she was 5, her uncle Ben died fighting an alien and she took the Ultimatrix from Azmuth and improved it and got revenge and they made up and the alien is now her friend and the Martian Manhunter.

Oh hey, someone actually remembers J’onn! Four for you, Bob.

She went to the Soul Society when she was 8 and beat everyone up and became a Captain but her uncle Renji got killed by Mr. Evil and she picked up his sword and used Ultimate Bankai for the first time and killed him. When Millennium and Iscariot attacked Hellsing together, she beat them both after finding the Gurren Lagann and transforming it which also stopped the Spiral Threat and made the world better. She picked up a guitar after and started playing and it healed all the damage done during the fighting and made everyone happy and Iscariot and Millennium apologized and everyone became friends. Her uncle Alucard turned her into a vampire when she was 16 because being a vampire would be fun but she doesn’t drink blood but she’s still stronger than him. She beat her friends Goku and Vegeta in a fight after they fused and they helped train her even more and she got Goku to remarry Bulma because she’s a better wife for him

The scary part is I have friends that think this is a logical course of action.

and Vegeta turned evil but she slapped him and he came back to being good.

“She’s my sister! *slap* She’s my daughter! *slap* She’s my sister! *slap* She’s my daughter!”

She learned there was more than one universe and she cried because she couldn’t help them which gave her the power to travel to the other places and she eventually beat all the bad guys and made every universe happy and peaceful. Later she married Spider-Man (One More Day happened in this place, too)

QUESADAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and they had 5 kids: Esmeralda Sonic Potter Charizard Parker, Mako Lawton Dream Ruby Inferno, Firey Shredder Kirk Dornez IV, Emerald Snowflake Logan Kent Sephiroth, and Bread.

….

This is a work of art.

I will never recover from the beauty of this submission. 

You win, Bob. I’m not sure what you win, but.. You win!

sooo fuck yeah. had my writing workshop today. my classmates seemed to like my story (and picked up on the lesbian subtext I threw in there for shits and giggles, though I neither confirmed nor denied the claim they made). they enjoyed the descriptions and said it was easy to imagine situation. overall I’m quite happy with their comments because I’ve been nervous about this ever since yesterday

now that my crazy-hectic week is finally over, I can relax a bit. I’ve been getting headaches off and on since last wednesday but I feel a bit better now

Shower, catch-up nap (I’ve been missing out on too much sleep these past several days), Mass Effect, then nap before work. Yay! 

I think one of my story ideas needs a setting overhaul.

Like really big