1. Relationships aren’t about having another person satisfy or fulfil you. They’re about building each other up, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness - whilst also enjoying togetherness, and a degree of interdependency.
2. Although the first flush of love can blind you to their flaws, you need to see your partner for who they really are. That is, we all have our shortcoming, our weaknesses.
3. Be willing to learn and grow with your partner. Instead of being defensive, or demanding your own way, take the time to understand your partner’s perspective – and, hopefully, your partner will learn from you, as well.
4. Learn to appreciate solitude. We need to be comfortable being alone, and to accept and be at peace with the unique person we are, in order to be healthy in relationships.
5. When it comes to arguments, look for the real reasons why you fight and disagree. Often there’s a pattern to when and why we fight – which points to buried issues, to hurt and unmet needs.
6. Embrace the ordinary in your relationships. In time, the fairy-dust will settle and things will feel humdrum. But the day-to-day has meaning when it’s shared with those you love.
Introverts: An introvert is not just someone who is shy. Shyness includes a degree of apprehension, and a feeling of nervousness or anxiety in social situations, or around new people. This need not be true for an introvert. Instead, an introverted person may have great social skills, be entertaining and good company. However, they feel drained and tired after spending time with people – and to be re-energized they need to withdrawn, and be on their own.
Also, introverts are especially interested in the working of their inner world. They like to have time to think, to play with ideas, to experiment with concepts, and to explore their feelings. They also prefer to discuss these with others – rather than spending time on (what to them) feels like empty and superficial chatter.
1. See it as something that isn’t permanent. Even though it hurts now, it won’t always be this way. One day you’ll find others who will treat you properly – so be gentle on yourself and recognise that it will pass.
2. Learn to enjoy your own company. See it as a time to reflect on your life, and really think through what you want for yourself.
3. Find different things you can do, and enjoy, by yourself. Also, developing new interests will stop you feeling bored.
4. Spend time looking after a pet or animal. Pets are consistent, loyal and reliable. They’ll never hurt your feelings, and they’re good company.
5. Talk to other people that you meet casually (at the checkout, in a queue, or when you’re ordering some food). You’re likely to find you get a warm response – and that will remind you that you’re actually OK!
6. Don’t let this bad experience undermine your confidence. Keep reaching out to others, and one day things will change - and you’ll find other people who like to be with you.
Eating fruit is beneficial to your health. For example:
Cherries – Relax the nervous system and help to calm us down.
Grapes – Help to purify the blood, and fight disease.
Apples – Promote healthy hair and skin. They also boost the immune system.
Watermelon – Helps to control the heart rate so that we feel more balanced and calm.
Oranges - Promote healthy skin, assists with vision, and helps fight colds and infections.
Strawberries – Potentially fight cancer and the aging process.
Bananas – Provide energy and have a calming effect.
Blueberries – Fight infection and disease, and help to boost the immune system.
Mangos – Are believed to help the body fight cancer.
If you have a true friend then you are blessed indeed. A trusted friend is a priceless gift –and something that’s not easy to find or keep. The marks of true friend are summarised below.
1. They tackle problems with you. A true friend is someone who can see through your smile and can tell when you’re in pain by the look in your eyes. They totally accept you and will always be there.
2. They give, and don’t just take, from the relationship. A good relationship is a negotiated one. It’s based on give and take – and thinking of each other.
3. They make time for each other. True friends always value the time they spend together; and though their lives are busy, they make time to stay in touch.
4. They communicate well. This is at the heart of any good relationship. It means that both the people are open and real so problems don’t get buried - but are dealt with right away.
5. They accept each other unconditionally. True friends accept each other as they are – warts and all. They are free to be themselves, and are free to change and grow. They don’t control each other, or judge and criticise.
6. They believe in each other. A true friend feels your passion and can visualise your dream. They believe that you can do it, and will cheer you the whole way.
7. They listen carefully, and aren’t quick to give advice. We don’t need advice; we simply want a listening ear. That is, someone we can vent to, and then move on with life.
8. They are loyal and dependable. Your word is your bond when you’re a trusted, faithful friend. You never share a secret or breach that sense of trust.
Codependency is an unhealthy form of love. It is where my need to take care of you compromises or harms my quality of life. Although it’s usually seen in romantic partnerships, it can occur in any relationship, including family, friends or peers. Characteristics of codependency include:
1. I feel good about myself when you like and approve of me.
2. Your problems and concerns disturb my peace of mind.
3. A lot of my mental energy is focused on helping and rescuing you (either solving your problems or relieving your pain).
4. A lot of my mental energy is diverted into protecting you.
5. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to get you to do it my way (ie. Being manipulative).
6. My self-esteem is boosted by solving your problems or helping to relieve your pain.
7. I set aside my own interests, hobbies and goals as I’d rather spend my time doing what interests you.
8. I feel how you look, how you behave, and what you achieve (or do not achieve) reflects on me – and is a judgment of me.
9. I’ve lost touch with feelings as I’m totally consumed with how you feel, and how your feelings are changing.
10. I don’t really know what I want any more – as I’m so wrapped up in you, and what you want.
11. The hopes and dreams for the future are all tied to you.
12. My fear of rejection or abandonment by you determines how I act and what I say.
13. My fear of upsetting or making you mad determines how I act and what I say.
14. I use giving as a way to feel safe and secure in my relationship with you.
15. My friends and social circle gets smaller and smaller as I involve myself more and more with you.
16. I value your opinions more than my own opinions, and am willing to sacrifice my personal values to be accepted and valued by you.
1. Go through – don’t hide from - the experience. You need to fully experience all the negative emotions before the healing process can begin.
2. Allow yourself to wallow in your independence. Don’t rush into a new relationship. You don’t need another person to make you feel complete. You’re enough in yourself. You are NOT inadequate.
3. Make a list of your strengths. It’s important that you focus on your good qualities as a broken heart can cause our self-esteem to plummet. Make a note of your successes and accomplishments. They didn’t disappear with the relationship!
4. Don’t try to suppress all the memories you have. Allow yourself some time to go over one or two … But don’t pitch your tent there - as the future’s now your focus.
5. Reach out to others who are suffering. You’re not the only person who is having a hard time (although you often feel you are when you’re broken-hearted) … and comforting another will distract you from your pain.
6. Allow yourself to laugh, and allow yourself to cry. Both of these are healing, and can bring release. They can help us feel more “normal”, and can bring a sense of peace.
7. Make a “good and bad list”. Make a list of all the things that you need to stop doing, to try and put some distance between you and them. For example, if you’re always checking their stuff on facebook then you’ll likely find it is harder to get them out mind. Alternatively, going out for a jog or meeting up with a friend can help to lift your spirits, and to change the way you feel.
8. Hang onto your hope. When a relationship ends (or if our love is unrequited) we can feel that life is pointless as there’s nothing good ahead. But the future is still open – and there’s definitely hope … And one day you will notice that you’re smiling naturally.
Trust is the heart of all relationships, but it’s easy to damage, undermine or destroy. So what kinds of things can we do to build trust, so that people can feel safe, and be real, with us?
1. Be reliable – and do what you say: This is absolutely crucial for establishing trust. It’s a case where actions speak louder than words. Unless you’re hit by a truck or your house burns down do everything you can to follow through on your commitments. Even if it’s fairly minor, don’t cancel or postpone.
2. Don’t lie: It’s surprisingly easy to cover with a lie. It gets us out of trouble, or leaves us looking good. But if the lie is uncovered, even if it’s just a small thing, it smears our reputation … and leaves us looking bad.
3. Be willing to volunteer some extra information:It’s said that “those with nothing to hide, hide nothing”. Why not volunteer some extra information to put the other person completely at their ease. That helps prevent misunderstandings and can quieten their suspicions so they know that you’re a person who’s transparent and real.
4. Don’t omit important details from your story: You can really slant a story by missing out some facts. If you’re tempted to do that, then your goal is not “being honest”. And it will come back to haunt you when the truth is uncovered, and you’ll be framed as a liar and “someone NOT to trust”.
5. A secret … is a secret … is a secret: Don’t ever share what’s shared with you in confidence. Don’t allow yourself to gossip, even if it’s hard at times. A person who’s discreet is truly valued by others. You’ll have a stellar reputation and be seen as a true friend.
6. Be real about your feelings: Those who just share facts can come across as cold and distant – and it’s hard to trust a person who seems like a machine! But if you share your feelings, too, others feel you understand them, and you’ll seem like someone is genuine and real.
7. Be consistent in the way you act: This is related to predictability, stability, calm and reliability. For a person who’s consistent is a safe and loyal friend. You know what to expect as they’re always the same.